Apparently there are so many things that reminds me of you in this city.
After all I have been through, it seems like I have only been trying to convince myself that I have already forgotten about you. I convinced myself that my life was better without you. But apparently I haven’t get over my feelings, at all. Yesterday I accidentally saw our video. Oddly, it didn’t made me sad and angry which is an utmost strange thing. Up until today, every photo, the places we used to love to go and memories gave me this shivering cold feelings. But this video, us fooling around in front of state department store next to the Christmas tree… it was not painful at all. I laughed so hard watching the video😌.
We looked just perfect. Funny, isn’t it? Were we always that happy?
I know I mustn’t say this but like I was telling you before, it seems like I will never going to love or fall in love with someone as hard as I fell for you. I just don’t have the excitement anymore. Or my heart just not accepting it for the time being. I miss how careless I was with you. I did not have any doubt of your love towards me. Maybe I have believed what I wanted to believe and fell in love my imagination of your love. I could not tell how you felt but you gave me that feeling that I was enough and worthy of loving. I just followed my feelings. I thought that’s what love was all about.
Draft from a year ago… I want to say things are different now but I don’t know. Only thing I could say is I have totally different perspective of my feelings toward you and I think I might be able to see you and not be hurt and put closure to our relationship once and for all.
2022.04.13
