You know what… Fuck all this bullshit.

This morning as usual pops was complaining about all this shit to mom how he thinks mom don’t give fuck abt his business which run by mom’s brother okay, is fucking complicated. First of all… run your own fucking business and if the people “you hired” does not satisfy you, complain to “THEM”. Please…

Goodness. Well this is my usual 4 out of 7 mornings if he is at home. I admire his consistency finding slight flaw from us and give out speeches like “you would not have all this fortune if you have not married to me” or “today’s affluency would not be there forever” or “you are heartless”, “you don’t pay much attention to this family” bla bla bla. Such a nonsense.

I mean… guys, we are upper middle class family in Mongolia and of course I have no right to judge how we are not more prestigious class but I wanna ask, “Can you not be proud of off your upper middle class ass and give us some peace in the mornings?”

I remember that when we were young, me and my younger sister did not have today’s availability. We were kind of poor, to be honest. As a child, we would crave for candies, and I can clearly remember that we did not afford snacks like Snickers, Mars or Twix. Those were freaking luxuries to us. Yes. We came all the way up here. As a family we gone up 2 steps up the social ladder which is of course all mom and dad’s effort, hard work. I truly admire them. I actually do. I am not sure if I could have gone through all the hardships that they have surpassed when they were at my age. But why? after all these years why would you say those words to mom? She was the one who was with you the whole journey. She was the one who has been taking care of her children while you were gone working for us. You guys did this together. You relied on her and she has never ever disappointed you. And look at us today. We could be the happiest family on this planet earth. But no. Mom is still not enough. My attitude is not enough. Our effort is not enough. There so much things we have done in front of you but you choose to nag about some one tiny mistake that you see at 6 fucking o’clock in the morning.

I am scared tho. Because I have realized I might be possessing same behaviour and characteristics when it comes to romantic relationship. Jealousy, manipulation, wanting the other person to be by my wishes, most of all unconsciously I pressure my partner and makes them feel like they are not enough. That’s what my ex said when we break up…“I will never gonna be enough for you”…